I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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