dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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