A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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