Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
