dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
