Apparently you make a good broom.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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