you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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