I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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