So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
