please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
