he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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