Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
