my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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