It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
