Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Vodka?
Forever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The power of my boobs compel you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
