Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
