does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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