The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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