Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
