It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
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you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom