Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
