this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
