jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
