Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize