Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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