I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
