Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
