What did we do last night that was yellow?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
