My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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