he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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