Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
