I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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