I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
be right there i have to get my cape
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
