it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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