so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
