Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
