I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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