Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
