We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
