I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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