So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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