I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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