remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're too hungover to prance.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
