i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
