I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
