I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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