You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
