Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
