so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
