i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
