Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
