toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
