Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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