My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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