i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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