i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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