I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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