It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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