youre lurking in front of me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
