oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
