new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
