We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
