pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
