and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
