There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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